Letter to my boyfriend

The problem that has brought some strain into our relationship deals with the future. What happens to 'us'? I graduate from Seattle U fall quarter and have plans on attending UC Berkeley or the University of Chicago, and he is still in the graphic design program at Seattle Central for two more years. I would make the assumption that we are very serious about each other. He is asking me to stay with him in Seattle while he finishes his degree and than we can move together, but the problem is that I don't want to wait around for someone else to continue on with their lives while I stand still. Hence, the pickle we are in.

Alex,

Yes, I do understand your reasoning. Long distant relationships never work out. But you don't know that we wouldn't. Maybe we are the exception not the rule (stole that line from 'He's just not that Into You'). If it is a question of being faithful then it really has more to do with trust issues than which part of the world we are living in. You also have qualms about leaving the Pacific Northwest, which has housed you for twenty-one years--you have never visited or lived by yourself independently anywhere else. Now is the opportunity to see what else is out there. Yes, Seattle Central has a great graphic design program, but there are other art schools out there in more rapidly developing urban areas that are offering lucrative careers for your field.

My stance is more logical. You can get your graphic design degree anywhere--the surrounding colleges around Berkeley or Chicago have great art schools. If it is an issue of money, you barely make enough to support yourself now, so what difference would it be if you move to another location and continue barely supporting yourself there? I am willing to support you, support 'us', I will continue doing freelance jobs and working in office environments if that will help us get through the next three years. The issue that I have my head wrapping around would be why you would even ask me to wait two more years so that you can get a degree while I can't?

If you were to move with me to either of these great cities, you'd have access to some really great opportunities. Yes, Seattle is vibrant and brimming with design opportunities, but that's the great thing about your job--you can work anywhere and in any citiy. Chicago is home to Threadless T-Shirts, infamous for their designs. San Francisco is about an hour's drive from Berkeley--home to the Academy of the Art and beautiful architecture. Every city is unique and beautiful and I have loved my little home I made in Seattle with you, but you can make a home anywhere, especially if we are together. Cities are just ingredients, but the end product will be incomplete if we don't live together post-college.

You've talked about possibly becoming an architect, Chicago can provide that for you. Any city can. You just have to leave Seattle to find out for yourself. I can't even imagine living anywhere else if you are not there with me. It makes no sense. There are great art schools around the two cities that cost the same as Seattle Central; though I do see your point that you will be out-of-state and that costs will be more. But I don't think money should be a factor in determining our future together; our experiences that we will gain together; and the idea of us growing into adults that write checks and talk politics over dinner parties--that shouldn't all disappear because of your stubbornness. You are being unfair to yourself and to me. Trust is key here, and I think you will be happier leaving Seattle and discovering what else is out there.

Hopefully, I will see you in Berkeley, California or the Windy City,

Carolyn Huynh